Intrauterine Insemination

Am I the only one that thinks the word “insemination” is disgusting?!  It reminds me of a farmer with their hand shoved up a cow’s ass. I guess, I don’t know if that’s how it works, but that’s how I picture it.

My husband and I had our first appointment at the fertility clinic about 3 months ago. We were so excited when they told us we were a candidate for IUI. I had been waiting to hear those words. I knew IUI was the next step we needed to take, but my other baby doctor was not mentioning it. They prescribed me Femara (which is much like Clomid, well, has the same goal at least. It actually has fewer side effects and works differently, but you get the point.) and told me to start my ovulation tests on day 12. As soon as I get that big ol smiley face on my kit I was to call to schedule my IUI appointment for the next day. WHOOOOOOO!!!!! Exciting, right?!

The night before our appointment I was restless, anxious, excited, and nervous. All the emotions. We woke up at 6 am for our 2 hour drive to the fertility clinic. I was excited the whole drive, like a little kid on the way to a birthday party.


The first appointment was actually Logan’s appointment. As you can see, he was not as excited. He had to go back to the “man room” to whack his willy.


After the specimen was in the cup, they put the spermies through a little sperm car wash. This is to improve mobility and quality of the sperms. We only want the fast ones and the strong ones. This process takes about an hour so we had an hour break before my appointment.

This is when my nerves hit.

Does anyone else get the nervous shits? Well I do. You know when you REALLY don’t want to get explosive diarrhea? When you are less than an hour from having a stranger staring at your hooha. I was actually IN THE BATHROOM when they called my name to go back to the procedure room. Yeah, it was that bad.IMG_5892

(I know I skipped step 2 in the pictures, that was just breakfast)

The next step is to take a catheter, shove it in my uterus, and squirt those Michael Phelp spermies right up there by my ovaries.  First the nice lady comes in and reviews Logan’s sperm scores which seem to be fucking winners, if you ask me. She shows me the vial and I confirm, yes, that is my huband’s semen.


I lay back and put my feet in the ol’ stirrups. She inserts the catheter and goes for the gold. The whole procedure literally took 5 minutes. Pretty much pain free, a little uncomfortable.

Before you know it we are back on the road for our two hour trip home.



There wasn’t much pain after the procedure, just a little cramping. I went home and took a nap and felt like a million bucks when I woke up.

They tell you after the procedure to act as if you are pregnant. So that means; no drinking, lower caffeine, take all your vitamins, etc. I also started back on those wonderful progesterone suppositories, which I love so much. It is recommended not to take a pregnancy test for TWO GOD DAMN WEEKS after the procedure. Longest two weeks ever. I wish I could say I was a good girl and didn’t test before the two weeks was up, but then I’d be a liar. The problem with testing too early is you can get a false positive or a false negative. So, you never really know if its correct. I started testing at about day 12.

Day 12- negative. Day 13- Negative. Day 14- Negative. I was still holding on to a little bit of hope, as some positives do show up later. However, my positive never came. Was I disappointed? Yes. However, when you are dealing with infertility you prepare yourself for that disappointment, because you have felt it it for so many months. It’s almost impossible to get your hopes up, because they have been smashed SO MANY TIMES.

It was after this failed IUI that we decided to take a break.  I am so glad that we did. Did you know, I don’t even know what day of my cycle I am on right now.?!?!?! That hasn’t happened for a year and a half. I haven’t taken my temperature before getting out of bed for a month now!! This break is exactly what my husband and I both needed. We will be jumping back on the baby makin’ train in January. We get two more tries with IUI and then our facility clinic recommends trying IVF. I am excited to see where our journey is going to lead us next.