I know I haven’t even begun to tell you about our infertility journey yet, but I think its important to capture my emotions while they are raw. And they are RAW right now. So consider this the intermission of my story.
Today was day 14 of our two week wait. Those who are also on this journey know that the damn 2WW seems like the longest two weeks of your life. We did our first IUI 14 days ago. I will describe the actual procedure later in my blog, for now I am going to focus on these crazy emotions.
I was very hopeful for the first week and half. While I was hopeful, I also had to prepare myself for disappointment. I had to stay realistic that this just might not be the time it sticks. And this wasn’t the time that it stuck.
I woke up this morning to pee on a stick and sure as shit, negative. Not even a faint line I could imagine to be there. This sucker was as negative as it could get.
I haven’t cried about it yet, I hate crying. Even when I’m alone. Its coming though. I can feel it. The anger and sadness are just building up and waiting to come out. I’m sure it will come at the worst time, as it always does. I was prepared for this disappointment. I knew days ago I was going to get a negative test. I could feel it. It still sucks to see it.