I know I haven’t even begun to tell you about our infertility journey yet, but I think its important to capture my emotions while they are raw. And they are RAW right now.  So consider this the intermission of my story.

Today was day 14 of our two week wait. Those who are also on this journey know that the damn 2WW seems like the longest two weeks of your life. We did our first IUI 14 days ago. I will describe the actual procedure later in my blog, for now I am going to focus on these crazy emotions.

I was very hopeful for the first week and half. While I was hopeful, I also had to prepare myself for disappointment. I had to stay realistic that this just might not be the time it sticks. And this wasn’t the time that it stuck.

I woke up this morning to pee on a stick and sure as shit, negative. Not even a faint line I could imagine to be there. This sucker was as negative as it could get.


I haven’t cried about it yet, I hate crying. Even when I’m alone. Its coming though. I can feel it. The anger and sadness are just building up and waiting to come out. I’m sure it will come at the worst time, as it always does. I was prepared for this disappointment. I knew days ago I was going to get a negative test. I could feel it. It still sucks to see it.


10 thoughts on “Intermission

  1. Been down this road, 2 years, 3 failed IUI’s, 1 failed IVF which i was given 100% chance of success, and left with complimentary endometriosis from the meds. On a happier note, I’m a few weeks away from adopting my daughter from foster care, who i’ve raised for the past 2 and a half years. Your story isn’t over with another negative, you’ve got this, one way or another. Sending positive and calming vibes your way.


  2. I haven’t heard your voice in a long time and its like your sitting in front of me. I admire your courage for telling your story. My heart is very heavy. You will be a wonderful mother Traci. Thank you for sharing your journey.


  3. This could possibly be terrible advice, I dont know, I’m no psychologist… but I have found that it helps me to schedule time that i “allow” myself to cry— well not just to cry, to fall apart. For me it’s when i’m in the shower. And knowing I have that helps me get through other times, when i know it’s a “bad time” to cry (you know, like when your in the checkout line at WalMart or in a meeting at work). Somehow it gives me strength to know I can break down later at my planned time. Again, could be awful advice and if it is I’m sorry!! But it does seem to help me, at least for now. ❤️


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